Thursday, February 28, 2008

Keepin' Positive

So it's been 4 months now since my life virtually turned upside down, and I finally had a revelation today... well, to be honest, I've had a few already but somehow kept falling off the wagon again and again. So what makes this time different? Absolutely nothing really... but as a friend of mine said, each time you fail, you come back stronger.. so I guess what makes this time distinct is probably because I now have the wisdom to actually try and keep positive in hope to sustain this energy.

A quick recap? Well, I broke up with my girl of 5 years.. need I say more? One broken heart is all it takes to have your soul diminish into thin air.. making you pretty much a useless human being. But hey, keepin' positive right? It was probably for the best. Due to matters that were beyond our control (Hint: Stupid Prehistoric Laws of the land!) we never really did have a bright future painted for us... I'll just leave it at that though. Somehow a debate over constitutional rights is a sensitive issue in this country.

However, I'm pleased to inform you that I have not been totally useless these last few months.

I have recently started a company with my previous boss (who is also a dear friend) specialising in Music Composition. It was rather odd to have an opportunity emerge out of nowhere that suddenly sparked a whole chain of events that has lead to the establishment of the business... but that's how it is. So what was the opportunity? Producing songs for children Television programs. Okay, so it may not be everybody's cup of tea, but it gives me the chance to gain relative experiences and develop my producing/engineering skills rapidly. Plus, the money ain't something to complain about.

Unfortunately, sacrifices had to be made and hence the 'even-further' delay on the release of my songs. For weeks now, between working on multiple jobs for the company and struggling to handle my personal life dilemma, I simply have not had the time (nor the enthusiasm) to even consider moving forward with my album. But hey! It's time to be positive now... and since things have quieten down a little, I'm ready to start again.

I plan to post 3 songs by this Weekend, though the original plan was to post 4. The 4th song - Eh Oh (I Miss You) - is not ready, and I doubt it will be for a while. Due to its 'personal' nature, and because I'm in the spirit of keepin' positive, I don't think it's wise to dwell into the emotions that the song requires at the moment. Fret not, for one day I will be strong enough to complete it.

So what else is new? Gym! That's right. This slightly overweight beer-bellied boy is on his way to looking like a Popstar again. I've been going religiously for 3 weeks now and let me tell you that years of abuse to my body is not easy to repay. However, having combined my workout with careful dieting, I believe I've lost 1-2kgs already... Can't really confirm it as I don't have a weighing-scale, but I'm assuming so cause I can finally fit my old jeans again!

I really gotta give a shoutout to my homie Jack Yeo for getting me started. He came over to KL for a visit and shocked the hell out of me when he came out the arrival hall all buffed and sh!t. Thanks mate! You're my inspiration. LIVE-STRONG!


So I think that's about all the updates I got at the moment. 2 more days and you can finally listen to what I've been rambling about. You're gonna love it, fer sure! Cocky? Hey, I'm Keepin' Positive here!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

What Goes Around, Comes Around..

Not many get to feel what it's like to achieve a lifelong dream. I really do believe that it's something that no one could possibly imagine. Yes, granted you could picture the joys that you would feel by being able to do what you've always wanted... it's a little bit like getting a glass of water when you're extremely thirsty... but you couldn't possibly imagine the consequences that lies ahead, particularly to those that are closest to you.

See, the thing about achieving a dream, is that you naturally get on a (what I like to call it) 'HIGH' - particularly in it's initial stages. When things start happening, you feel invincible, because everything you touch seem to always turn to gold. Your life changes... and your horizon expands. New life, new people, new money... what's not to enjoy??

Unfortunately, the consequence of this is not so much to those who are experiencing it (at least not in the short term), but to those who had supported them before it all began. Usually loved ones, it is the people who held their hand on their way up to success that always seem to get the short end of the stick.

I admit, I am guilty of such an act. When my dreams were realised, I left someone behind in my hometown. Obviously at first you doubt that anything could break the commitment and the loyalty, so you say your goodbyes at the airport like you're just gonna be away for a little while. No big deal.

Then the HIGH begins to set in, and consequently you start to have countless arguments over the phone because for some reason neither one of you understand each other anymore.

She then falls into a bad state of depression. She doesn't sleep, doesn't eat, doesn't care about anything else but to have you home.. her whole life turned upside down due to your absence.

So eventually, she asks from you for the ultimate sacrifice. She asks you to leave behind all that you have going for you and come home... because she just can't hack it anymore. Like the air that she breaths, she NEEDS you by her side. She realised that nothing in this world matters except for your love. Not her job, not all the money in the world, not even her dreams. She just wants YOU.

You, however, can't seem to grasp what she means... or do you? It's funny how we tend to pretend NOT to know something when its convenient.

Guilt starts to eat you up inside, because you know it's selfish, but you feel that for once you deserve to be selfish... this is your lifelong dream! and it's everything you imagined it to be. Why should anyone stop you from having this?

This is where the HIGH begins to cloud your judgment. Before this, you wouldn't have even flinched on the idea of going home if the love of your life needed you. But now, you think differently. Now you start thinking stuff like "I'm coping well on my own, why can't she do the same?" So you still try to negotiate, but she's beyond compromise.

You're torn between two extremes... and the words 'small sacrifice for the greater good' start to whisper in your head. What else can you do?

You finally give her a call to break it off... only months from the time you first waved goodbye to her at the airport, you end the 3 year relationship. You settle on the most politically correct excuse: "I don't want you to suffer anymore. I want you to move on..."

So now you finally get to live your dream guilt-free... but you could never have predicted that eventually, regardless whether or not your dream sustains, the HIGH will end. The guilt will return, and you'd be lucky if it doesn't eat you up inside for the rest of your life or worst, karma returning you the favor.

For me, unfortunately, the worst occurred. Now that my girl is living her dream... what followed was virtually an identical series of events... except now, it's my turn to be on the short end of the stick.

I guess it's true what JT says; "what goes around comes all the way back around"... and I finally feel the pain that I myself caused to someone else before... and to have it end by the same politically correct excuse? Priceless.

I packed her things... and place them all in one corner... only to see this pile everyday... 5 years of beautiful memories... just waiting to eventually be picked up. Safe to say, it is the saddest moment of my life...